Wednesday, November 16, 2011

What I Did on My Day Off: An Essay by Paula Fader

The first thing I did this morning was wake up early to see my boyfriend off to work. This began with ignoring two separate alarms, followed by groggily rolling around in bed while he got ready. I think it's really nice that I can offer him a pleasant send off in the morning.

After he left, I figured I'd start the day off right by making the best use of my time. I'd hop right up out of bed, grab a fresh cup of coffee, and slap on a DVD. Because I didn't have access to a TV or DVD player, I spent the next ten minutes googling how to open the CD tray on a Mac. Unfortunately, I was unable to follow through with my plan due to some technical difficulties.

When I got over the initial disappointment, I decided the day could still be spared. Instead of crawling back under the covers and crying softly about my wasted potential, I got in my car and drove home. I arrived safely and promptly decided to reward myself with some pancakes. This decision proved nearly disastrous when I discovered we were out of butter. Luckily, I eventually found some in the refrigerator.

I spent the rest of the morning doing laundry, cleaning the bathroom, and watching Gilmore Girls. I also did five reverse sit-ups and a few sun-salutations that I learned in yoga. Then I decided it was finally time to take some action and get to writing. Except first I was hungry so I had to make a bag of sweet potato fries and some garlic mayonnaise to dip them in.

Once my hunger was satiated, I got dressed and left the house for my favorite combination coffee shop and writing spot. But there was a really interesting radio program on in the car about the effects of stress on the human body, so I had to drive around for twenty or so minutes before parking. When I got out and started walking, the whole world suddenly went funny and the left side of my body felt numb. “Oops!” I thought. “Must have inhaled too many chemicals while cleaning the bathroom this morning! How silly of me.” To avoid a full blown hypochondria-induced public melt down, I quickly headed back to my car. I didn't feel like I could walk in a straight line, but driving was no problem.

From here, I had to make some quick decisions about the best course of action. I knew I needed to get out of the scrutiny of the public eye and to the relative safety of my home, and soon. First, though, I needed to pick up something sweet to make myself feel better after that close call. I started driving toward McDonalds, knowing that an Oreo McFlurry would do the trick. A few minutes later in the drive-thru line I panicked slightly about being stuck in an enclosed space, so I backed right up out of there and straight to a nearby liquor store for a pint of Ben and Jerry's. Another close call.

Back at home, I decided it would be best not to take any more chances. I gathered up all the animals at my house, got under a blanket, and turned on the TV. Soon enough, the pint of ice cream (and the rest of my sweet potato fries from earlier) were in my belly and I was feeling fine.

In all, I learned a lot today. Like, sometimes you just have to resign yourself from the outside world and not feel bad about it. And also, don't mix chemicals in an enclosed space.

Good night!

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